I know the topiramate is kicking in as everything goes blurry, I close one eye to bring her into focus, concentrate on what she is saying.
"I'm a few weeks late ..."
She must be talking to me, I don't think there is anyone else in the room.
Better give her an examination, people seem to like that.
I give her my best doctor voice "Ok if you just jump onto the bed we'll have a quick look"
She hops up, shuffles down until her legs are dangling off the edge and hitches her skirt up and her panties down.
Oh this isn't good, I'll have to bluff my way out of this now.
I snap some gloves on, the second best part of my day is putting the gloves on.
I'm sure I've got a speculum here somewhere …
"Right I'll be as gentle as I can …"
I gently insert the business end into her nether regions and open her up.
My vision is really starting to fade now so I lean in closer than the board would deem acceptable.
"Well, yes, that all looks very nice, Well done you!"
She takes this as a compliment "Thanks doctor… am I pregnant?"
I had totally forgot what I was meant to be pretending to look for, in a moment of blind panic I cup my hands and shout into her vagina
"Hello is there anyone in there?"
I wait as if someone will answer me back.
"Well its hard to say, looks like we'll have to do a test after all" I say with what I hope is an air of disappointment.
I close her back up, toss the speculum into the sink and sadly ball my gloves off, I love wearing the gloves, I like how everything feels clean with them on.
I rummage around on my desk for a sample bottle and find some Lorazepam so gobble a few down to try and take the edge off the mania that is setting in, finally I find one and toss it to her.
She is still pulling her knickers up so it hits her on the top of her head.
This threatens to set the giggles off but I get myself under control.
"Right Miss Kenzie, if you could just go and tinkle in there for me please!"
She trundles off and I take the opportunity to have a bit of a lie down. I'm listening to my heart beat with my stethoscope when she comes back in with her little bottle of warm pee.
I take the lid off and sniff it as if it was a fine wine, take a sip and swill it round my mouth.
Its only the horrified look on her face that brings me back to earth and makes me realise I have a mouth full of piss.
I swallow it and say "Well that seems fine but I'll do a test as well, just to make sure"
It's going to be a long day.