Friday

Accursed (345 Words)

Forget everything the movies have ever taught you, especially Teenwolf, I've never met one of us who even likes basketball.

We don't parade around with our tops off looking moody or constipated and we don't wake up naked in the zoo in the morning.

Yeah ok so one time I did terrorise some tourists lost on the moor but they kind of deserved it.

Basically being a Werewolf is a bit of a pain the arse, it all starts a few days before the full moon, I get an overwhelming urge to piss up lamposts and need to shave twice a day.

One lad I know, didn't even know he was one of us until he found himself biting the postman one morning, ended up in the loony bin. Dude ate three nutters and a nurse before escaping.

Then when the moon does come everything goes haywire. your senses go into over drive, you want to sniff peoples arseholes all the time. And if you're unfortunate enough to be a digger forget about having a nice lawn again.

 The transformation itself is ... weird. I had to switch to contact lenses after my specs kept falling off and its best to sleep in the nude. I used to think dogs in clothes were funniest thing ever, then one night I woke up with four legs and wearing pyjamas, major pain in the ass getting out of them.

I've tried to raise awareness of our plight, even went on the telly with my ex wife.

Didn't pan out well to be honest, they played "Bark At The Moon" over my entrance and this angry little man just kept goading me, trying to get me to change, I tried explaining that because the show was being recorded two weeks before the full moon nothing would happen and he just kept going on at me.

So I bit him.

He charged me with assault.

Got my own back on him mind, I waited until the moon was out and went and did a massive wolf shit on his lawn.

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