Thursday

Cinderella: The Truth (484 Words)

After the clock struck midnight and Cinderella ran from the ball leaving her glass slipper behind, prince charming set about trying to find the love of his life. Everyone knows the happy ending but that is only half the story.

Yes he did travel his kingdom getting all and sundry to try on the shoe.  Remember this is in days of yore and the world was a far dirtier place. Smog hadn't been invented and they didn't even know about the ozone layer never mind holes in it, pigs were allowed to walk freely and the pig is a filthy animal, so after the first few hours the shoe was minging.

Still the foolish prince travelled door to door searching for the girl he fell in love with the night before. The prince was very drunk at the party, still was when the search began.  He couldn't really remember what Cinders looked like, he knew she was pretty and had an ass that wouldn't quit but everything else was a bit … fuzzy.

The fairy tale would have you believe that the one and only person the slipper fitted was Cinderella, that's a nice thought but really there are only so many shoe sizes available and the odds on one person being the only size five in an entire kingdom is frankly ludicrous.

The first match he found was a farmers daughter who wasn't even at the ball and a little rough around the edges, the prince  dismissed her straight away saying it was a slipper not a glass welly. Royalty really aren't very nice people, the charming in prince charming is usually sarcastic.

The second was a withered old hag of a woman, the prince dry heaved while she slipped her rancid foot into the shoe and said he couldn't marry her as she was beyond childbearing years. He couldn't be sure about the third but was pretty confident it was really a man in a dress.

His search continued for days with the excuses getting more desperate and outlandish, one woman was rejected for having hair that was too curly to wear a crown on.  Finally he arrived at the Cinderella household, he told her two sisters to jog on without even getting a shot at the now stinking shoe, no one never mentions the verruca epidemic that took years to die down and resulted in the local swimming baths closing down.  

Cinders didn't even get to try the shoe on,  as she bent over to put her dainty, dirty foot in the prince recognised her ample behind, he also copped a feel of her ample breasts but this is a U rated story so we don't mention that.

His woman found, their love rekindled, they were soon married and the story  sold to the papers with a slight rewrite to make it more palatable.

And then, then, they lived happily ever after.

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