Monday

Death by @Lucy_Magnuson (496 Words)


Death picked up the 'to do list'. It had the usual combination of wasted lives, tragedy, horror and blessed release. To be honest he could have told you the make-up of it without looking. He'd been doing the job for a fucking eternity, he'd be doing it for an eternity more. To say he was bored would be an understatement.

But he was caught. The big fella had him by the metaphorical balls. He could avoid an eternity 'up' or 'down' if he agreed to gather the souls up at the end of their fleshy years.

Now this seemed like a good idea at the time. As someone who hadnt exactly been the bes behaved during his lifetime, the idea of avoiding 'down' seemed good, so he'd signed up. Then he'd learnt the truth. That actually going 'down' was actually a rather good thing.

He sighed, long since resigned to his fate as the git with the scythe, he had decided he might as well have fun. Like telling the newly dead exactly where they could go. Or prolonging the agony of those who truly deserved it. He was death. He was allowed to be vindictive.

The list. Yes. The list.

His bony finger ran down the tablet screen.

'Twat'

'Wanker'

'Idiot'

'Fucksake thats a brilliant way to die'

'Legend'

'Gutted'

'Cunt'

'Ooooooooh'

He stopped. Now there was someone he wanted to drag to the afterlife personally. Very personally. Probably by the scrotum. With a fish hook. Oooh yes this would be fun.

He tapped the names on the screen rapidly, despatching todays souls to their eternal resting places. But him. He was his.

Grabbing his scythe he skipped out his office and into the void. Death was coming to play.

…............................................................................................................................................................

The knock at the door woke him. It was late. He was tired. A long day in meetings. Too much to sort. Not enough time. And worse still these idiots weren't as pliable as the ones back home. He wanted to sleep.

Another knock.

Did they not know who HE was?

Staggering out of bed, he opened the door 'What the fuck do you want...?' his words trailing off as he saw the robed figure looking into him.

'Oh fuck'

'No thanks, I had one before I left the office' giggled Death. Honestly, he cracked himself up.

'Ready to go then? Cos I sure as hell am ready to take you'

Death cackled again. 'I have somewhere special for you, a perk of the job. The amount of innocent souls you sent me after your dossier was published....? You deserve an eternity of red hot pokers up your arse'

Panic spreading across his face, the man tried to beg, tried to plead. But it was no use. He didn't care how influential you were. How much money you had. Death was a bony bastard on a mission.

'And for fucksake don't mention chess or I'll bugger you myself and you really don't want that'



No comments:

Post a Comment