Weapons Of Mass Distraction (458 Words)

Tony beams his trademark smug grin at Dave and says "See I told you nothing would happen."

Dave shakes his head in amazement, "I can't believe it, I honestly can't believe it."

"Well the data doesn't lie Dave, can I call you Dave?"

"Well most people call me Prime Minister but as it's you  . . . "

"Thanks Dave, the one piece of advice I give to people like you is don't give them what they want. Give them what they think they want and never, NEVER, give them what they need."

Confusion furrows the prime ministers brow.

Letting out a sigh, the perma-tanned peace envoy starts again. "Look it's all very simple. Do you really think it is just a coincidence that when I was in power reality TV took hold?"

"Ummm yes?  I mean no?"

Tony rolls his eyes, sighs and continues in his odd trans-Atlantic drawl.  " We distracted them with inanity while we pissed the country up the wall. Sure they were almost onto us when it came to the war but then X-factor started and it was all but forgotten about. You need to do the same Dave."

"The voice has just ended!" The Prime Minister blurts out excitedly, "We snuck the G8 conference in while the semi-finals were going on."

"Good job Dave! And what did you do during the finals?"

"Well I voted for Leah, can we look into why she didn't win? Only I had a bet with Cleggers who said the speccy girl would win and now I have to pass some of his ridiculous policy."

Tony rubs at the bridge of his nose trying to ease the stress that is piling up on him. "David, Davey, Dave you really don't get this do you? What you have done there is yeah, you've distracted yourself. It's easily done but you really should have this down pat by now."

"I'm sorry; I'm really not very good at this. We never expected to win but the whole Gordon thing just sort of swept us up."

"Ah yes Gordon, the less said about him the better. But, and this is important Dave so pay attention. Gordon was my scapegoat just like Gideon or Nick can be yours. All you have to do is chose who you want to take the fall for you"

"I thought I was going to win the next one as well?"

Tony' smug grin slides for a second and is replaced by something far more sinister, "They haven't decided yet Dave and that is why I am here today."

He flicks open his briefcase, pulls out a folder and tosses it across the desk to the Prime Minister. "This is what you're going to do about Syria."

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