"Nice turn out wasn't it?" Said Bill, loosening his tie.
"Eh?" Grumbled his sister through a mouthful of food.
"I said it's a nice turn out, the old man would have been chuffed like."
Spitting a mouthful of half chewed mush into a napkin she pulls a face of pure disgust and says "What the hell is this crap?"
"It's quiche, Lorraine." Sighs Bill.
"It's fucking rank is what it is, why did you order it?"
"It's part of the buffet, I still think we should have ordered more. All the Ham has gone already . . ."
"It's not a fucking party and would you want to be eating this shit for days afterwards? Look at them, they are like scavengers. Most of them didn't even really know Dad."
"He was a well liked chap, people want to pay their respects."
With a subtle nod of her head towards a far too happy mourner, Lorraine mutters "Well she's got a fucking nerve showing up, probably just wants to make sure he is really dead."
"Ah come on now, it's meant to be a celebration of his life . . ."
"She could still have the decency to at least look sad, she's probably thinking about what to spend the money on, the greedy cow."
"It was his money to do with as he saw fit and they were married once."
"He should have changed his will as soon as she fucked off with Pedro."
"It's Pieter, and he's actually a really nice chap."
"You know what your problem is? You're too fucking nice."
"How's that a problem? Oh shit she's seen us . . . now be nice, for Dad like."
The merry widow waves at her children as she makes her way across the dancehall of the Legion.
"Hiya kids!" She says cheerfully to the offspring she hasn't seen or spoken to in five long years.
"You could at least look like you aren't glad he's dead mum."
"William, I loved your dad dearly but he wasn't the saint you think he was."
"What are you even doing here?" Asks Lorraine with the lack of tact she inherited off her Mother.
"Well I had to come over for the reading and well, I've got some business that needs dealing with."
"Business? You? Have Yates' recognised your custom and rewarded you with shares now?"
"Now Lorraine regardless of how you feel I am still your mother and I demand you treat me with the respect I am due."
Through gritted teeth Lorraine says, "I am."
"Well there is no nice way to say this, as you know your father left everything to me, not that there was much left he was always terrible with money."
"You took him to the fucking cleaners when you fucked off with Petey!" snaps Lorraine a little too loudly. People are starting to stare now.
"Its Pieter and he is a very nice man if you gave him half a chance. Anyway I'm selling the house. So you'll have to move out"