Introducing Simon Pendleford (498 Words)

"See doc, the problem with the word on the street is that the people on the street tend to be . . . Less than trustworthy."

He, nods and writes something in that little pad of his, I swear to sweet baby Jesus I am going to read all the crap in there even if I have to pry it out of his cold dead hands.

He looks over his half moon glasses and tries to further pry into my mind. " I see Simon, may I call you Simon?"

He's trying to rile me, give him a reason to keep me in this hell hole. Well I'm not falling for that.

"Call me O'Hannigan." 

The quack narrows those beady eyes of his and the crocodile smile creeps over his face, showing me the pearly whites I promise myself I am going to make him choke on.

"But that's not your name is it Si?"

Don't bite.

Too late.

"Not even my own mother would have the nerve to call me Si." I snap at him.

This turns his smile to a smirk, chump thinks he is under my skin. Thinks he has got my number. I'll play his games after all I've got him right where I want him.

"What does your mother call you then Simon?"

"Nothing, she's dead."

"Oh, well I am sorry for what it's worth."

For what it's worth, what does that even mean? More bullshit empty words.

"She was worth ten of you, you piece of shit." 

"Tell me about her Simon, you clearly loved her dearly."

Have I really ended up here? Lay on a shrinks couch talking about my mother? This was meant to be an easy gig. 

"She was a brilliant women, she taught English at the local comp. She deserved better . . . "

"Better than what Simon?"

Don't tell him anything.

"She was walking home from the store when some kid tried to mug her. . . "

God dammit man stop talking!

" . . . He had a gun, why hell did he have a gun?"

Stop talking!

"She put up a fight, the judge said the kid got scared and accidentally pulled the trigger."


"Accidentally my ass, the punk knew what he was doing. Young offenders institute my ass."

While I'm spilling my guts out the doc doesn't say a word. He just keeps scribbling away. So I finally stop myself before I go too far and wait for him to chip in with some gem of wisdom.

" So Simon, is this when you became a private detective?"

"I , err I ummm" 

Oh jesus this gets better, say something you idiot!

"I don't know what you mean doctor."

He flashes me that crocodile smile again, closes his notebook and says. " Grief is a strange thing Mr Pendleford, we all handle it in different ways. I'm going to be honest not many of us adopt a new persona and fight crime but it takes all sorts. That'll do for this week. but we are making great progress." 

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